To my Sweet Ella Breanne - January 21, 2011
To my darling little girl,
To my darling little girl,
Who always dances
And loves to twirl:
You’re having a hard time right now,
You see you can’t move,
You want to, but you don’t know how.
You’re entire body is held fast,Completely still
With your spica cast.
You can move your arms and neck too,
But you’re restrained
From your chest to your shoe.
I’m not quite sure how to tell you why.I could start,
But then I’ll cry.
When you look at me with those great big eyes,
I want to tell you,
To explain all the “whys”.
You’re just so young,
It’s hard to describe
With my unskilled tongue.
The hardest part for me I think
Was when you first came in
And couldn’t even blink.
You slowly opened your eyes,
You said, “No Way!”
And then had only cries.
As you awoke a tiny bit more
You looked from your chest
Right down to the floor
This new foreign “thing” had you bound,
“Help me Mommy!” “Stuck!”,
You said as you looked all around.
The breath went out of me like never before
I didn’t know what to do,
My heart started to roar.
Tears were burning my eyes as I tried to hold them back,
I couldn’t let you see how afraid I was,
I had to stay on track.
I had never broken down in front of you,
I had to be strong,
To help you!
In the past there were days we didn’t know,
Didn’t know if you’d live or die,
Or if you’d breathe well enough to cry.
We’ve been in hospitals, ERs, Ors and more,
You’ve clung to life so many times,
You’ve had procedures galore!
But this, this is different, now you’re two.
How can I explain
Why you’re black and blue?
Or even to tell you good news, that there were no glitches,
Your surgery went well,
And to count all your stitches.
You’re just too little to understand
That you’re stuck and hurt now,
But in three months you’ll stand!
How can I describe that it’s for your own good,
That what we’re doing now
Is all we really could!I’m just so glad that Daddy was there,
He knelt down and loved you,
And whispered, “there, there.”
He was strong when I could not be,
Words of love and comfort
He recited to thee.
Your Daddy loves you oh so much,
His words calmed you down,
They were just the right touch.
Kind of reminds me of someone else I know,
He’s big and he’s strong,
His love only grows.
It’s God, our father, who made you first,
You were His prized artwork,
He’s so proud He could burst.
He made you the way you are for a reason,
You’ll endure this
Only for a season.
We’re just so glad that we have you!
You could have not made it,
But you did and we do!
Who knows, maybe someday you’ll meet someone,
who’s stuck just like you,
But you’ll be able to help, to teach them some fun.
God works in mysterious ways,
He loves us and comforts
And always stays.
He will never leave or forsake us
He’ll always heal
And never break us.
This is a gift He’s given you
The opportunity to rely on Him,
And I hope you do.
He gives us more than we could ask or dream,
Look at my life!
He gave you to me!
And so, my darling little girl,
I’ve found new strength
In this whirl.
I hope and pray that you might understand
A little about
God’s mighty hand.
We’ll conquer this together you and me,
But don’t forget
With Jesus, that’s three!
But then there’s Daddy and Ari too,
So wow!
God’s given you a zoo!
My darling, precious little one,
Even though I can’t explain
What’s happening to you.
Please just know we lift you up to Jesus
Each and every day
Because He’s the one that frees us
In a fresh and brand new way!
For you right now, the cast is what is binding,
But for others, it’s their sins,
So, if you lean on Jesus, to them your life is shining!
And somehow I think you know how big God is,
Like He’s already said,
“Little Ella, this is how it is….”
He explained it all to you in a way you can truly get,
And you just said, “ok God”
“I never will forget”
I see it in your face today as you bring on each new task,
There’s a peace and joy
That could not be a mask
For this look only appears when you’re in the “fam”,
The family of God that is,
When you’ve met the great I AM!
Thursday, January 20, 2011
And Now...We Wait
1. To Glorify Jesus
* To vent
2. To Inform what Jesus's doing in our lives
3. To solicit prayer
You have probably received some sort of email from us about this blog. It's because we have set the settings to Private so that only those that I've invited can view our blog for safety reasons. When we were in Peru, we weren't too "worried" about people stocking us or our kiddos, but we want to be smart in this world of internet who is viewing intimate details about our family and especially our kids.
Life has been full of change recently. The first big change, obviously, is our surroundings. We've been adapting to our American life. Ariana asked me last week as we were driving, "Mommy, why does it rain all the time?" I think the rain has been hard for her because it only rained a handful of times while we were in Peru. 9.9 times out of 10 you can guess that it's NOT going to rain in Arequipa, so all the rain here is pretty hard for a kid that just came back from the land of eternal summer and wants to play outside.
Another change has been being able to drink out of the faucets! When we were in Salt Lake for Ella's surgery, I was talking with another mom in the parent's lounge and she told me that she'd see lots of people carrying around water bottles in the facility because the water was bad. I was immediately concerned because I had been using it to rinse my toothbrush and drink figuring it was safe because we were in the U.S. I stated my concern and she had to explain that she meant that the water only tasted bad, but was not bad for you. :)
Throwing our toilet paper into the toilet has been probably the biggest adjustment. When we were away in Salt Lake for Ella's surgery, Ariana stayed with family in Nampa. While she was with my aunt, Rhonda Gray, Ari threw her toilet paper in the trash. Aunt Rhonda thought it was strange, but didn't correct her. The next time, again, Ari threw the tp in the trash. This time Aunt Rhonda thought, "Hm, it must be some strange Peruvian thing," but still didn't correct Ari. All week Ari threw her paper into the trash until one time it dawned on her, she looked up at Auntie Rhonda and said, "I can throw this into the toilet can't I?!" And Aunt Rhonda just smiled and nodded.
I have to admit, dish washers, clean water, dryers and carpet have all been welcome signs of being in the U.S. as well. We feel completely spoiled with all the conveniences. I think my favorite change is not having to walk 5 blocks from my house and wave down a taxi everytime we leave. It's SO NICE to just hop into a vehicle and go where you need to go! (kids restrained in carseats is nice as well) :) There are just so many differences that become so apparent that we never even knew we had become accustomed to.
One funny change is that we now are in the majority instead of the minority. It can be frustrating to be in the minority as you cannot speak the language of the people, have trouble adjusting to the culture, and are OFTEN discriminated against, but one plus of being the minority is that we spoke a different language than most of the locals and could speak freely without anyone understanding us. I remember being in the States before we went to Peru and would hear Spanish around me in the grocery store and wonder if they were talking about me. It was so frustrating and now we had the same "effect" in Peru! It was so funny because many times, Cal and I would be riding the public bus systems and see someone doing something crazy and make a blunt statement right there because we knew that they couldn't understand us. Something like, "Oh my goodness, that guy is REALLY picking his nose. It's like he's digging for gold. Look, he's really going for it!" And he'd be sitting right next to us. :) So, coming back, it's hard to remember sometimes that everyone can understand us.
I was a "victim" to this when we first arrived on U.S. soil at the Houston, TX airport. I was talking with my mom about how bodies adjust to food in different countries and used the word "constipated" a little too loud and all of a sudden realized that the people around me could understand what I was saying!!!!! How embarrassing! :)
But it goes both ways...when you're learning a new language, many times you can say something ridiculous and not even know you said it, like one time I told Calvin's language teacher that his BROTHER was pregnant!! Or another time I was trying to say that I was afraid of something, but the word for afraid in Spanish if VERY similar to a very bad word....and I used the bad word without realizing in front of one of our pastors!!! Luckily they figured out what I was trying to say and laughed it off. They were very gracious. So, speaking English in the U.S. is so nice...a rest for our brains, but definitely an adjustment.
Now, we are starting to get settled in. Many of you know Cal got a part-time job at one of our local grocery stores, so having him go off to work has started us in a routine this week. We are SO thankful for this job that God has provided. It is only part time and hopefully only temporary until Cal can find something he really wants to do, but God has been so good to give it to us to provide for our immediate needs.
Another change this week was the purchase of a new vehicle!! We did have a little bit of money in savings, which was from the sale of our car before we left last year. God blessed us with a great new vehicle this week that we were able to pay cash for with the money from the sale of our car! Cal and I remember saying to one another last year when we sold our Honda Civic, "Well, that was probably the nicest car we'll ever have," because we had just sold all of our possessions and weren't leaving for a financially profitable life, so we just assumed we'd never have a nice car again, but God is so good and is full of surprises. I know it wasn't a fluke that this amazing car came along for such a great price. We are so awe-struck and amazed at the blessings that flow from our Heavenly Father when we have absolutely no power over a situation and let Him lead.
Besides our reverse culture shock, new car and getting used to a kid in a cast, there's not a lot to report. Our emotions are all over the place as we search for what God has for us next. Some days we feel like we've been called to a life of waiting. Before this ("waiting" for a career for Cal), we were waiting to know if Ella would be well enough to return to Peru so that we could plan accordingly, before that we were waiting to know if God wanted us in Peru and before that we waited on the Lord for our daughter's health and life as she so frequently gave us scares, and even before that we were waiting to find out if God had plans for our little girl to make it into this world alive! Now, I know if I look at this progression, God. Is. Always. Faithful. PERIOD. So, we believe that He will be faithful to us now as we are waiting yet, again. Our goal is to live each day with a sense of adventure because we know who the captain of our ship is! We know that He only leads us to good things and has no bad plans for us. We know that He loves us more than we can even comprehend.
Ephesians 3:20 says that He can do more than we can possibly imagine by His power that lives within us!
Oh how we pray that we'll be listeners to His will. That we'll hear His voice when He calls and head His direction in our lives. If you pray for us, pray that we'll be wise and that we'll not only hear every word He whispers to us, but that we'll LISTEN and act upon His prodding in our lives.
I know that it is in these times of waiting that we grow. That we understand more deeply who Christ is and that He, JESUS CHRIST, is glorified in and through our lives. I hope that I can be a vessel that waits well. That can weather the storm, and though knocked around and a little worn, will arrive at it's port safe and sound. I'd rather have a few "character" scuffs (or rather, improvements - scuffs that create character) upon arrival than to have sunk in the ocean with no captain. JESUS CHRIST is our captain, and our deepest prayer is that we truly let HIM sail our ship. He KNOWS what each wave will do. He KNOWS what lurks under the water, He KNOWS where all the other boats are, so we are safe to trust our boats (lives) to Him because He can steer accordingly. It may seem odd to us from our narrow point of view when He turns to the right or the left when it causes a delay, but little do we know that there was a jagged rock ahead that lay just under the water and out of our view that would gash our boat (lives) to the core, and he turned the boat to save us. How many times do we see that God is turning our lives in an undesirable direction and in a panic rush to take command, only to be left with a sunken ship!
It's those little old ladies that drive so slow your hair falls out and you wonder how in the world you got stuck behind them in traffic that may actually be saving you from a disaster that would have been waiting for you up ahead if you'd have been 2 minutes earlier, or the line at the grocery store that originally looked like the quick one, but really turned out to be the never ending line where someone's arguing with the clerk or WORSE, using coupons (just kidding), or just any circumstance that we see as really inconvenient or that has thrown our "plan" off track that could actually be God's way of directing us!!! Man, I hope I see His warning cones today. To yield when He asks without asking questions. To take a hard right at His smallest prompting or a hard left when He urges, even if it throws me "off track". I hope I can listen to His voice and let HIM be the captain of my ship because only HE knows how to reach my destination safe and in tact.
Thank you once again for all of your prayers. And now, as we sign off on our life in Peru and head a new direction, we pray that God will be our captain. Thank you for taking this journey with us. Your comments, messages and emails have lifted us in many hard times. We are so thankful for this awesome body of believers! Now, let's go shine Jesus wherever He calls us today! We can't wait. :)
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